Dear exhausted mom, it’s OK to say no.
Saying “no” might seem like a small act or come off the wrong way, but after having both my babies I’ve learned that it’s OK to say “no”. As moms, we often feel compelled to say “yes” to every demand, request, or expectation that is placed on us. However, learning to say “no” is not a bad thing and can actually allow us to slow down. As moms, we are constantly living our lives in fast-forward, moving from one thing to the next, and most times don’t have time to catch our breath. Let’s just call it the marathon of motherhood!
After having my daughter last November, I’ve always felt a constant need to be doing something every minute of every single day because I barely did anything while I was pregnant with her. I’ve put this constant pressure on myself the last nine months to make up for lost time. I didn’t want to miss out on life, so I kept saying “yes” to every opportunity that came my way. It’s not a bad thing, but I’ve learned that saying “no” has allowed me to slow down and been crucial for my mental health. I’ve also discovered I can miss out on stuff and still survive along with being happy. I know, shocking!
There are seasons of life when our schedules are naturally full. Don’t want another thing on your weekly to-do list? If you’re tired, it’s ok not to sign your kid up for an activity. It won’t hurt them. Don’t feel like cooking for the night? It’s ok if your kids are having Mac and Cheese for a second night in a row. Honestly, they probably will love you more for it anyways and it will be a win-win situation for all. Over the last couple of months, I’ve realized that I’ve been the one putting all the weight and pressure on my shoulders by simply trying to do too much. I’m here to tell you how important it is to take a step back. It’s important to remember that saying “no” does not make you lesser of a mom. In fact, it can make us better moms by allowing us to preserve our mental health and energy, which in turn enables us to be more present and nurturing for our kids. I can’t tell you the number of times where I’ve felt like I’ve needed to be somewhere or doing something so I wouldn’t have mom guilt later on. As moms, we often feel like we’re failing if we don’t say “yes’” to our kid’s every request or sign our kids up for every activity. I sure have felt that way recently when I don’t feel like going out because the thought of getting two kids out the house seems daunting and too much of a hassle for me. It’s easy to get caught up in what society expects from us as moms. Social media, especially, often paints this picture that the ideal mom is someone who is always available and always saying “yes”. The reality is that saying “no” can be much more powerful and allow us to set boundaries and recognize when we have no fuel left in our tank. Don’t get me wrong, there are seasons of life when we need to suck it up and push through. But, with that recognizing when to pump the brakes and slow down. You aren’t lazy but you are saving yourself from overcommitting and burning out.
Embracing the power of saying “no” has brought a lot of positive change within my family’s life. Prioritizing our needs and not what the world and everyone else thinks, has been life changing. This is not me saying you shouldn’t say “yes” to opportunities in life (of course I do!), but just a reminder that it’s all a balance. Let people know what you can or can’t commit too, and when you do choose to say “no” be kind and clear. By prioritizing my mental health and well-being, I’ve been able to focus on what truly matters which has led to a more balanced and fulfilling family life. Don’t let the weight of others’ opinions or societal perceptions hold you down; you know what’s best for you and your family and it’s ok to sometimes just say “no”.
