The Invisible Load of Motherhood
Between caring for my kids and countless hospital visits last week, let’s just say I’ve never been more overwhelmed in my life. The exhaustion was and still is real. I truly felt helpless and was in full-blown fight or flight mode all week trying to figure out what was causing me so much physical pain. Luckily, I’ve been trending upward and am really focusing on slowing down and listening to my body. It seems so simple but yet can make all the difference in our day to day lives. Let’s just say I, and several other moms I know, are living with this invisible load that comes with the pressure to do all the things, all the time. While in the hospital, I had a lot of time to reflect and think about what really matters. If there’s a silver lining in all of this, it’s that I learned it isn’t healthy to try and muddle through life in a constant state of chaos while accepting “stressed mom” status as a part of motherhood. I learned that the hard way.
I get it. It’s a lot easier said than done. I hated when people would tell me just to “relax”. I swear it made me not relax and actually more upset. As moms, it’s hard to find time to slow down or often reflect, but as someone who just went through a burnout, I’m telling you how important it is. The invisible load of motherhood can be so taxing but learning to slow down your mind and body is crucial. We don’t have to accept stress as our default state of being. It’s important that we learn how stress shows up, what our triggers are, along with how to break away from the stress cycle which ultimately will allow us to show up the way we want for ourselves and our children.
If you’re anything like me, even the task of asking for help or communicating your needs feels like another burden in and of itself. I was so scared of being away from my babies for a week, but it was necessary in order to heal, and I had to rely on my people. I wouldn’t have made it through without the help from my mom, dad and husband. I’ve written about this before but having a great support system will make all the difference; especially when you’re sick. By sharing your invisible burdens, it can allow yourself to destress and redistribute some of your responsibilities. I know that I had to fully rely on my mom and husband to advocate for me last week because I simply couldn’t do it myself while being in so much pain. It was hard for me to “let go” but it was necessary. Of course, we all survived, barely, but we did! Even though routines were thrown out the door, meals weren’t perfect, and the house was a mess, I learned how important it is not to run myself into the ground. Whether that means calling a friend, working out, taking a “mommy time out”, or simply reading a chapter of a book, take time for yourself as much as you’re able too. If we want to show up for our children, we need to take care of ourselves as well. I was putting myself on the backburner by not listening to my body and ultimately paid the price. As my own mother once said, “how do you expect a car to function if you’re not putting the proper fuel in it?”
At the end of the day, moms need to remember that our feelings, stress levels and physical well-being matters too! Simple changes to our day-to-day routines can make all the difference and prevent us from burning out. Whether that be mindful breathing, cuddling your baby, going on a short walk, or simply fueling your body properly, it all matters! Society often reinforces the idea that “good moms” sacrifice their own needs, but all that does is set us up for stress and burnout. Personally, I feel like I’ve been living in this “stressed mom era” but it’s time to let go.
I’ll leave you with this. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got.
