Our Christmas Traditions
Now that Blaire is officially one and my party planning days are behind me, hello Thanksgiving but most importantly, Christmas! It’s truly the most wonderful time of year! Celebrating the holidays with kids is such a magical time and as parents we want to soak up all the moments. I remember when I was a kid how magical my parents made this time of year and how I still to this day remember all our special family traditions. Even though Blake and Blaire are still so little, we’ve already created some family traditions that I hope they can pass down to their kids someday. The holidays are always a chaotic time of year so I’m here to help and share some traditions that you may want to incorporate as a family this year!
I’ll start by saying, don’t put pressure on yourself to start a ton of Christmas traditions all at once when your kids are super little. You can truly start them at any time. In fact, my family has even added some new traditions over the past couple of years (we usually fly down to Florida now if we can, and this year we are!) My favorite tradition by far is opening gifts on Christmas Eve and saving one gift for Christmas Day. There’s something so special about opening gifts under your twinkling tree at night. I also feel like it’s less chaotic than Christmas morning and less wrapping paper I have to clean up before we head out for all our Christmas celebrations :)
Next is, buy a special ornament every year. For Blake’s first Christmas we made a handprint ornament and for Blaire’s we did a mistletoe ornament which was super sweet! As the kids get older, we will start collecting them from places we visit as a family, that way we can commemorate our special memories from that year.
Third, is setting up our nativity set and remembering the true meaning of Christmas. My mom got the kids the cutest nativity kid set (linked here) and when I’m setting up the one on our mantle the kids have theirs to play with as well. It’s also a great time to explain the significance of every piece.
Fourth, is watching the same Christmas movies every year! I can’t tell you the number of times my husband and I have watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (“you serious Clark?”) along with Four Christmases and they never get old. We look forward to them every year and know every line :) Blake loved Home Alone last year which is another classic!
Lastly, and something my husband and I began doing last year is writing out a family bucket list for the next year. It’s a great way to get excited and start imagining about all the fun things you want to do as family. My husband and I are planning on taking our kids back to where we celebrated our first-year anniversary or potentially taking our first family Disney vacation. So many great things to look forward too!
If there’s anything you take away from this post, it’s to be present with your kids this holiday season. It’s easy to get caught up and want everything to be perfect, but there’s no such thing as perfection. Creating family traditions is worth more than anything you can buy. In the words of Charlie Brown, “it’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who is around it.”
To my baby girl,
I can’t believe you’re ONE! To everyone else it’s just another day but to me it’s a flashback of all the special moments we went through this past year. We did it! I have never felt so much purpose in my life. Being your mom is truly the greatest gift of all. It’s definitely been an emotional rollercoaster but in the best way. I’ve never felt so many conflicting emotions all at once; joy, guilt, anxiousness, excitement, exhaustion, the list goes on.
Birthdays have always been so special to me but celebrating your first birthday is extra special and such an accomplishment. I’ve learned so much about myself and that little smile has made our days that much sweeter. The beginning was challenging since Blake had RSV the day you both met, but you made that challenging moment a beautiful one. Watching the bond grow between you and your brother over the last year is something indescribable. I can’t wait to watch your spunkiness unfold even more this upcoming year with Blake. He’s in trouble :) If anyone loves making you laugh, it’s your big brother.
Thank you for making me a girl mom. I’ve always dreamt of having a daughter and dressing her up with all the bows! I know you aren’t really into them as much anymore, but I will keep dressing you for as long as I can, bows and all! Thank you for being mine. You are my reason to be a better and more genuine person, to be real and present and not let life pass me by. You are forever my baby girl, and a piece of Heaven sent from above. Happy first birthday sweet girl! Here’s to many more years ahead!
Love,
Your Mom XO
Finding JOY this holiday season
In the words of Mariah Carey, “IT’S TIMMMMEEEE!” The holiday season is finally here! I can’t believe we are already in November and my daughter will be ONE next week. So many emotions but so much to look forward too as well! While the holidays can be such a magical time, they can also be overwhelming and not as perfect as all the Hallmark movies suggest (yes, I love and watch them!) During the holiday chaos, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed but I’ve found how important it is to take a step back and focus on what truly matters. Not everything will be picture perfect and that’s ok! Amidst all the chaos we face as moms during this time, reminding ourselves to slow down and putting everything in perspective is key. It’s so important to find joy, even during those hard moments this time of year! Here are some tips that I’ve found helpful to feel less overwhelmed during this holiday season!
Lower expectations! With most things in motherhood, we want everything to be or go perfect for our kids. It’s ok if what you had envisioned doesn’t go as planned. I remember putting so much pressure on myself for Blake and Blaire’s “firsts” during the holidays. Getting a picture in their first holiday onesie or having that first holiday meal be perfect when family was over. I learned the hard way, but most likely things won’t go as planned. It’s normal and just remember as much as this time of year is chaotic for you, it’s just if not even more chaotic for your kids. Your little one won’t always love taking pictures, seeing Santa, or being around different people. I remember Blake screaming his first year in Santa’s lap. I was bummed that’s not what I had envisioned, but I will say I got great pictures to show him when he’s older :) It’s best to just go with the flow and not get so down on yourself if things don’t go as planned. Cherish these times with your littles because there will be plenty of moments when they are older for grander holiday celebrations.
Don’t worry about going overboard on presents. I am so guilty of going overboard with gifts. I’ve learned that most likely my kids will remember our family traditions rather than gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love to spoil them but making those memorable family traditions this time of year is everything. I like to celebrate the feast of Saint Nicholas with my kids since that was something I celebrated as a kid. Also, when you have littles, they aren’t going to remember all the gifts, so give yourself grace! It’ll also be one less thing for you to worry about.
Be present. It can be easy to get caught up in the holiday chaos. I sure have because I’ve wanted to capture every moment. As Blake gets older, I’ve found how important it is to be present. This means putting down my phone, ridding myself of any distractions and truly living in the moment. Don’t forget to savor this time with your family.
Lean on your people. If support is there or offered, take advantage of it. Go holiday shopping, do some errands, and sit in silence in your car (yes, it’s amazing).
Lastly, remember the holidays are supposed to be filled with joy and love. Unfortunately, we always feel the stress part. Shifting your perspective can truly change your mindset and mood. The holidays are so magical so keep that your focus. Also, for some of us the holiday season can be hard and a source of pain. For our family, it’s such a joyous time with my kids of course but I can’t say it isn’t hard not having my father-in-law around. It’s ok not to feel happy all the time during this season. You’re not alone. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time but knowing that my husband and I can pass down our childhood traditions to Blake and Blaire is everything and what we focus on.
The true joy of the season is our children. Creating traditions, being with family and showing acts of kindness are the simplest but best ways to celebrate. At the end of the day, the best gift we can give to our kids is love.
Blake looking for Santa!
Take the photos with your little ones
Time is a thief and isn’t slowing down. Take the photos because you won’t get these moments back. We recently just had our family photos done, and while it can be stressful, I never look back and regret getting our photos taken. It’s a way to freeze time and have a tangible reminder of that special bond between you and your kids. And trust me, these are memories that you and your family will treasure for years to come. Since we’ve done a number of family photos since both my kids were born, here are some tips I’ve found are helpful to make it a fun and stress-free experience where you don’t feel like pulling your hair out :)
First and foremost, don’t have any expectations. Embrace the chaos and just roll with it. I always feel like I put so much pressure on myself to make sure everyone is smiling, looking at the camera, etc. I’ve learned that most likely that won’t be the case and to let these unrealistic expectations go. Getting photos taken is truly about capturing your family in the moment. Crying faces and all!
Be patient. Blake can be so unpredictable at times (toddler life!) so I’ve learned to just be flexible and go with the flow. His best moments have been captured when he’s simply being himself. For Blaire’s first birthday photoshoot, the cutest moments were captured when they both were eating her cake. It was truly like we were capturing them in their daily lives. He was so happy and himself and that brought out Blaire’s sweet smile. It wasn’t like we were forcing something to be. Most likely, these will be my favorite photos because it was my kids being themselves.
Pack everything the night before. Trust me, I’ve been there where I think I can just get everything and everyone ready morning of and it’s been a fail every time. Packing everyone’s outfits, bottles, toys, snacks, you name it the night before is key. This way you aren’t running around frantically morning of. I also sleep better at night knowing that everyone is all ready to go in the morning.
Lastly, show up as you would any other day. For some of my first family photos we had done, I styled my hair a different way. It wasn’t me and I wish I would’ve worn my hair like I usually do. I also like to wear outfits I’ve worn before that way I know how they are photographed and something I’m comfortable in (what I wore!). I try to wear earthy tones or all black because they photograph the best in my opinion.
Even though it can be stressful, if you can take the photos do it! You’ll never regret having photos to look back on and they will be a cherished reminder for generations to come. I always say go in with a positive attitude and let your photographer let the magic unfold. Nine times out of ten if you have no expectations and a good attitude, everything usually works out better for everyone!
Self-care during the Fall: What I’m doing
Autumn is a season of change. The leaves are changing colors, the air is getting crisper, and everywhere you go, tis the season for all things pumpkin spice. Fall is hands down my favorite season and I look forward to it every year. There’s something so peaceful about going outside and seeing all the beautiful colors, plus you can wear a light jacket and be comfortable. Fall is also a season where the holidays are quickly approaching, you begin to juggle all your kids’ activities, and as a mom things just automatically get busier this time of year. I’m definitely feeling that way and Blake and Blaire aren’t even involved in sports yet. When life does get busy it’s easy to push ourselves to the bottom of the priority list as moms. We say we’re too busy, have too much to do and looking after ourselves can wait. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past couple of years, it’s that there is never a perfect time to do something. We are all busy but it’s so important to make time for ourselves as moms, even just for a few minutes every day to relax, recharge and reset. I have felt less stressed and feel more energized for whatever my day might throw at me by doing so. Self-care doesn’t have to be this big thing, but simple practices you can implement during your days to feel less stressed and more energized. Here are some things I will be doing this fall in regard to self-care.
Getting outside, even if it’s for 10-15 minutes a day. It’s amazing how much fresh air (especially that cold air) can do for you when you’re in a funk. I remember when I was pregnant with Blaire my doctor would always tell me to go sit outside, even if it was for 10 minutes to clear my mind and boost my mood. It’s such a simple thing, but fall is the perfect time to do so. Also, for someone who struggles with seasonal depression, I make sure I get outside every day, even if it’s a short walk. I will set small/realistic goals for myself (5-7K steps per day) so that makes me want to get outside even more so I can hit my goal. I noticed when I would set unrealistic goals, I would stress out over not meeting them and honestly wouldn’t even go outside because I already felt defeated and exhausted by the kids.
Keeping up with healthy eating habits. It can be so easy to indulge this time of year, especially with Halloween and Thanksgiving approaching, but I do try and focus on whole foods that will give me energy and avoid me getting sick. Don’t get me wrong, I love all things pumpkin spice this time of year but fueling my body properly has helped with my mental clarity and I notice I have more patience. I also have celiac disease, and after my recent gluten flare up, I’ve become more in tune with what I’m putting into my body. Balance is key.
Taking time off social media, even if it’s for a day. I have a love-hate relationship with social media. As much as I love connecting with friends and family, it can be very detrimental to my mental health. Studies have shown how social media has increased depression and anxiety disorders. I’m not surprised because I’ve fallen victim to it at times. Social media can be overwhelming as we are exposed to so much content all at once and try to process what we’re seeing. Always remember it usually is a highlight reel, and no one’s life is “perfect”. We are all human at the end of the day.
Reconnecting with friends. I’m so grateful for all my mama friends. I’ve met and connected with some amazing moms over the last couple of years. We are all on the same journey together, so when we get together my spirits always feel lifted, and I don’t feel alone. If you have friends that live far away, schedule a time to talk on the phone to catch up, even if it’s for 15 minutes. It is an instant mood booster, and there’s usually a new story about the kids to bond over!
Decluttering my home. I found “less is more” to be even more true after having kids. Cleaning and organizing is so therapeutic for me. You don’t have to take on any big projects but taking a look around your home and identifying some decluttering projects is such a great form of self-care. I always feel so accomplished after doing so and feel like my brain feels less chaotic.
Last but not least, getting ready for the day. When I was working in an office full time, I always used to dress up and do my makeup. I stopped doing that when I started staying home with the kids but didn’t realize how much it was having an impact on my day. Now when I wake up, I try and make time for my skin care routine, putting on a little makeup and making my bed. So simple but can go along way and start your day off with a sense of accomplishment.
As moms, self-care may seem difficult, especially with little kids or a schedule that’s jam-packed. We push ourselves to the end and then wonder why we’re feeling so worn out, tired, and stressed out. Again, self-care doesn’t have to be anything big, but implementing these practices into my daily routine with the kids has been so impactful. Always remember that self-care isn’t selfish and that we as moms need to take care of ourselves too.
It’s that time of year again
Fall is here, which means snotty noses, mysterious rashes and everything in between. I’m no expert but as a mom of two littles, with one of them being in daycare, I feel like we’ve had every sickness in the book. With that being said, I feel more prepared than ever and wanted to share some of my favorite products that have helped my littles get through some sick times along with others that I give them for preventative measures. Again, I’m no doctor but I’m the average mom who has dealt with most of these not so lovely sicknesses that seem to come during this time of year.
Dr. Noze Best Nasal Aspirator - If I could recommend anything, it would be this product. The suction level is unmatched to other products on the market and let’s just say it gets the job done.
Mary Ruth’s Elderberry Liquid Drops - I give these to Blake daily and it helps support his immune system. Perk is that he actually likes the taste! Elderberry is known to fight flu like symptoms and has anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties. I also take these and it gives me that extra immune support during the colder months.
Mary Ruth’s Multivitamin Drops - I give these to Blake daily and it has all the essential nutrients for toddlers. He doesn’t mind the taste so again a win in my book!
Wellements Vitamin D Drops - I gave these to Blake when he was a baby but now give them to Blaire. There are so many benefits to Vitamin D, but it helps promote healthy growth and bone development. I started giving these drops to Blake and Blaire right after they were born.
Canopy Bedside Humidifier - I have this humidifier in both Blake and Blaire’s rooms and it’s worth the hype. Trust me, I think I’ve tried every humidifier on the market, and I have to say this is my all-time favorite. Primarily, because of its mold prevention technology. Most humidifiers I’ve owned have always accumulated mold, but this one does not (the water is absorbed through a filter which needs to be changed every 5-7 weeks). I also love that it can run up to 36 hours on a full tank. This is huge because as a mom we aren’t primarily focused on changing the water in our humidifiers :)
BeKoool Soft Gel Sheets - Unfortunately when that time comes, and your child gets sick these are great for fever discomfort. Keeps Blake cool and stays put until you’re ready to take it off.
Thermal-Aid Bear - Blake loves this bear as a cuddle buddy for when he’s sick, especially when he has earaches. It’s hand washable and actually holds heat. Most heat packs are way too hot to start off with and then they cool off quickly, but this one holds the warmth pretty consistently for over half an hour.
Boogie Vapor Bubble Bath - Use this religiously in the bath when both kids get sick. It helps so much with congestion and has a soothing scent to it.
Boogie Nose Wipes - These come in clutch for whenever we are on the go. Perfect size wipe for runny noses and they are super gentle and soft. They also don’t dry out super easily which is a huge plus!
Touchland Hand Sanitizer and Pouch for us moms - Keep this in my diaper bag and purse. I also have the pouch which can attach to anything and makes for easy access!
Boogie Hand Sanitizer Spray - Use on both kids and no strong scent.
Frida Baby No-Mess Vapor Rub - Use this on both kids and there’s no mess! The applicator makes it so much easier to apply when your kid isn’t feeling well (no sticky hands for mama!)
At the end of the day, we want nothing more than for our kids to be healthy. When that time comes and they do get sick, hopefully some of these products can alleviate stress on you as a mom and make your kids more comfortable. There’s truly nothing worse than seeing your child in pain so the sooner they can feel like themselves again, the better.
The Way You Talk to Yourself Really Matters Mamas
“You were such a bad mom today for losing your cool.”
“I forgot to pack another outfit change. How dumb can I be?”
“You didn’t work out today so that means you’re lazy.”
Can you imagine if you said these things to someone else? It’s because you wouldn’t. How you talk to yourself matters. Unfortunately, many of us don’t realize we talk to ourselves like this all day long. Recently, I’ve fallen into the trap of negative self-talk and didn’t realize how much it was affecting my day-to-day life. We have thousands of thoughts that fill our minds every day so why not make them mostly positive. I know easier said than done, especially when the world tries to paint this narrative that all moms need to have it together, all the time to feel like they are a “good mom”. I’m here to tell you that it’s unrealistic and the way you talk to yourself is truly so important.
Here’s why. When we tell ourselves something over and over again, we start to believe it. Our thoughts can be so powerful that in turn what we say to ourselves can have such an effect on our beliefs, our families and our kids. I know whenever I get a negative thought, I always feel like my brain is wired to find ways to make me believe that my thoughts are true, even though they are so far from it. For example, as moms, it’s so easy to be so hard on ourselves as we want the best for our children. We may have a thought like, “I should not go back to work, because I am abandoning my baby, which means I’m a bad mother.” So untrue and the reality is that you’re not a bad mom, but if you’re constantly telling yourself this over and over you start to believe it. After a while, your beliefs can become so deeply held that it is difficult to change them. I’ve learned that the hard way and have realized that the way we talk to ourselves is a direct narrative of our lives.
It doesn’t happen overnight but something as simple as shifting our inner dialogue can make all the difference. For me, I’ve started journaling every morning and writing down daily affirmations. I used to think it was so silly but writing it down on paper and talking positive beliefs into my day before it even starts has made all the difference. Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I wake up, feel exhausted and don’t feel positive whatsoever. Blake already had three meltdowns, Blaire spit up, Daisy pooped in the house, and it’s not even 9 AM, what’s next? What’s next is that instead of saying “oh well this day is going to stink" is that I’ve tried saying “welp, that wasn’t what I was expecting, but let’s get out of the house to change things up”. You wouldn’t believe what a simple drive in the car can do for everyone :)
Whenever you start to negative self talk, ask yourself if that’s how you would talk to someone else or your child? Most likely, the answer will always be no. Just by becoming aware and changing my negative statements with compassionate ones has made a huge impact in most recent weeks. I’ve been in a rut ever since my gluten flare up, and quite honestly haven’t felt myself. When I’m not feeling well, I know that negative thoughts are able to creep in more easily but the more I practice that positive self-talk and give myself grace, it ultimately is making me the best version of myself. Changing the way, you speak to yourself truly can change your life, always remember that.
Flying with a baby and toddler, ALL you need to know!
It’s almost that time again! Traveling for the holidays with the whole family is coming up! While I’m excited to change up my scenery and catch up with family, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious about traveling with the kids. First off, let me start by saying there’s no right way to fly with your baby or toddler. Traveling with a toddler and a baby are entirely different but both challenging in their own ways. One of the best travel tips I can give is to try and stay positive. Traveling is already stressful enough without kids, so when you add them into the mix, they can definitely feed off our energy and tell if we’re stressed out. At the end of the day, traveling with kids is no walk in the park so trying to make light of hard situations and going with the flow has really helped me in the past. I also have plenty of crazy yet funny stories to look back on as well! :)
Being a mom of two littles, I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on how to make traveling a little bit easier on us moms! Starting with, choosing flight times that work with your kids’ schedules. From my experience, most children are happiest in the mornings and not as much at nighttime. This is when I usually try and book most our flights. I understand that may not be an option, but traveling first thing in the morning has worked out better for us. For both my kids, scheduling a flight during nap time is sometimes risky, but I will say it has worked out amazing 90% of the time. The kids are usually overtired from all the airport chaos, so once they are on the plane they begin to doze off.
Next tip would be to bring a stroller or wear your baby. I will say choose whatever you are comfortable with. For me, 90% of the time I wear Blaire and push Blake in the stroller all the way through security until we board our plane. I leave our stroller right at the gate before getting on the plane and it’s been a game changer! Personally, I can’t travel without our Doona stroller (it holds up to 35 lbs so I will push Blake in it). It’s so convenient and makes the security process go a lot smoother. Keep in mind, when going through security you will need to take your baby out of the stroller and fold the stroller up to go through inspection like everything else. The Doona is known for converting from a stroller to car seat with one click so it definitely takes the pressure off when you feel overwhelmed going through security. For the times when Blake doesn’t want to be pushed in the stroller, I usually will have Gary push Blaire in the stroller and wear Blake using my Tushbaby. It’s amazing because it can hold up to 45 lbs and gives me so much back support. Another must have in my opinion when traveling! Say you don’t want to baby wear and both kids want to be pushed in a stroller, I would highly recommend the Zoe double stroller. It’s very easy to collapse and super lightweight like the Doona! You should also know that you are able to bring more than 3.4 oz of baby food, milk, water, etc. for your baby/toddler as long as you take them out of your carry-on and place them in an individual bin for screening. Sometimes, if Blaire doesn’t need a bottle right away, I will keep the formula powder in our Dr. Browns formula dispenser and then once we get through security buy a bottle of water.
Third would be to pack each child their own backpack with tons of snacks and new toys. This will not only make them feel important but will be easier to keep their stuff organized instead of you digging through the diaper bag for all their stuff. I try and have new and exciting snacks for Blake on the plane because then he gets excited to eat them since they’re different. This could also just mean cutting his sandwich in the shape of a star verses in half. So simple but makes the sandwich more appealing to him! I usually don’t go crazy with packing toys since they do take up a lot of room, but I try to pack 1-2 new toys or things for them to play with. For Blake that could be a new sticker book, new markers or fidget toys.
Fourth would be to get all diaper changes and potty breaks in before boarding the plane! I always wait right before we board to change diapers. I usually apply a ton of diaper cream just in case I’m unable to get up and change a diaper right away. Also, since we are starting to potty train Blake, I will keep him in overnight diapers because it holds more without him getting too uncomfortable.
Fifth is to take advantage of pre-boarding! If you have children under two you can pre-board most flights; just listen to the loudspeaker at your gate. It’s been a game changer for me because I have more time to get situated and it’s so much nicer to do without a tail of people rushing me to get to my seat. During that time, I wipe down the seats, get the kids situated, and just remind myself that things may not go as planned but that’s ok!
Sixth is to nurse or bottle feed at take-off and landing. As adults we know how to keep our ears from hurting with changes in altitude, but for our little ones it’s a whole different story. I always nursed with Blake and now bottle feed with Blaire (or offer a pacifier) to help with this discomfort. Now that Blake is older, I will usually have him drink water during this time.
Whew, this might seem like a lot but implementing these tips has helped me so much! If there’s anything to remember, try to relax and know that you aren’t alone. I always get worried about what people might think if my kid cries the entire plane ride, but I guarantee you it’s happened to most of us. Most of the time the person near you is either a mom themselves, dad, aunt, or uncle and they get it. But, if for some reason you happen to be sitting next to a grumpy rude someone, just remember chances are you’ll never see them again. Anytime I get stressed out, I try to remind myself how grateful I am to be traveling with my kids and that I’m making memories that will last a lifetime!
The whole crew after a 3.5 hour flight!
To my almost one year old
I’m sitting here and thinking just how grateful I am. I’ve been a ball of emotions the last couple of weeks as I begin to plan for Blaire’s first birthday. I feel like I just watched the last year flash before my eyes. No one talks about how hard it is when your child turns one. It brings upon so many emotions. You think back on all the beautiful and joyful moments yet also don’t forget those hard moments when you didn’t think you were going to make it. For some, it could be the last time you’re celebrating a first birthday. All the emotions you feel are valid. As I reflect on the last ten months, it’s truly been the biggest blessing and honor to watch my babies grow and become closer. I have learned patience, selflessness, and strength. There were plenty of times where I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but those were the moments that made me stronger.
In many ways, the last ten months seem like a blur. From that first night in the NICU, to the first time she said mama, to now almost becoming one, it’s been one of the most beautiful yet emotional years of my life. Looking back, I grew so much as a mother and truly learned to find the beauty in everyday life amongst the chaos. Life taught me the true meaning of slowing down, living in the moment and how a simple smile can change a person’s day.
As I start to plan her first birthday celebration, I can’t say I’m not grieving a little. Grieving that she won’t be this little forever. I keep getting flashbacks to those newborn days or the first time she met her big brother and can’t help but be happy and sad at the same time. I look back at old photos and think, “Who is she?” I tell myself she’s the same but different. That’s when I begin to realize how far I’ve come and how it is such an accomplishment getting through that first year. There is so much that is thrown at us moms and navigating it all should be celebrated.
Blaire has brought our family so much joy. It’s hard not to get emotional as I think about all we’ve been through. For as much as I’ve been trying not to think about her first birthday, I’ve found excitement and joy in what’s yet to come. I thank God everyday he chose her to be a part of our family and know that her little smile will forever change the world.
Letting Go of Mom Guilt
As a mom, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced mom guilt. It’s that overwhelming feeling of not being enough or doing enough for our children. As much as we try to ignore it, I want all my mom friends to know that you’re not alone in your feelings. Nowadays, there’s so many unrealistic expectations put on us moms. It’s normal to think you’re not doing enough, especially when society tells us we need to be “doing it all”. The good news is you’re not alone and awareness is half the battle. With that, I’ve learned and am still learning some tips and tricks to help combat that mom guilt when it starts to creep in.
For a long time, I always felt the need to do everything myself because I wanted everything to be done “the right way”. It wasn't until I let go of the idea that I had to do everything on my own and began leaning on my husband and family for support that I finally found some much-needed breathing room. By allowing other people to help me, that relinquished a lot of my stress and helped take the pressure off. Now, I feel more energized and supported in more ways than one since I have a great support system around me.
Mom guilt can show up in so many ways. For me, I often felt mom guilt when I was working full time and missed out on some of Blake’s milestones, whereas now I get it if I don’t have activities planned for my kids every day since I’m home with them. I find myself breaking down when that guilt begins to creep in, so I started keeping track of small wins on my phone notepad to help ease my mind whenever I begin to feel anxious. It’s helped me tremendously and is a gentle reminder that I’m capable and might just be having a bad moment.
As moms, we need to remember to give ourselves grace and realize that we don’t have to be everything to everyone. Most days I feel overwhelmed but have realized it’s okay to focus on self-care or have a day where I might not be able to do everything I had planned. My goal with everything I do is to focus 100% of my energy on what is right in front of me. I can’t do it all, but I try to give each area of my life the very best that I can which helps alleviate that mom guilt. It’s common as moms to feel like we’ve “failed” our kids because of the standards we hold for ourselves in our heads. I’ve learned to just let that go and truly focus on being in the present instead of letting those unrealistic standards get the best of me. My family deserves the best version of me so if that means spending less time on my phone or not planning a million activities, I’m going to do it. I’d rather not spread myself so thin.
If there’s anything I want you to take away, it’s that you need to learn to forgive yourself and do what’s right for you and your family in any given moment. No one is perfect and you will make mistakes. I just remember my first day back to work after having Blake and as I was sitting in my meeting, I heard him screaming and crying from the other room. My mama heart ached, and I started going down the rabbit hole of if I made the right decision to go back to work. At that moment in time, I was meant to be where I was and had to really work on balancing that guilt in my head, knowing of all the good I was doing for my family. Even now, there are several days where I feel like I’m struggling to push through and might not be able to accomplish all the things I had planned but have learned there’s nothing wrong with that. Instead of beginning that negative self-talk and letting the mom guilt creep in, I try to take a deep breath and reset my thinking; something so simple, yet so powerful.
At the end of the day, it’s normal to feel mom guilt. The fact that you have any type of guilt in the first place makes you a great mom because you ultimately want what’s best for your children. Always remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect mom as hard as we try. Our imperfect is perfect in our child’s eyes.
Life- the greatest teacher of all.
I blinked and just like that I’ll be celebrating my five-year anniversary this weekend! It’s true when they say time is a thief. I still remember my wedding day like it was just yesterday. I was a ball of emotions and couldn’t wait to marry my best friend. As I look back, I can’t believe how much has transpired since that special day. From living through a pandemic, to losing my father-in-law along with welcoming my two beautiful babies into the world, life has taught me a lot. Life has a funny way of teaching us some valuable lessons. It will create sadness, so we truly understand happiness as well as chaos so we can appreciate relaxing times (especially as a mom!). As I reflect on the last five years, I’ve learned a lot about myself as a person and a mom. As cliche as it sounds, life is truly so short. I try to remember this through all of life’s ups and downs and find myself starting to appreciate the lessons that come from it.
Being a parent has been the biggest challenge I’ve faced and yet the one that has taught me the most. It has also helped me to focus on what I truly want my kids to know. Life definitely isn’t linear and doesn’t always make sense, but I’ve come to appreciate the beauty in it all. With that being said, here are five life lessons I will be passing down to my children, in hopes that all these simple yet beautiful lessons will stick with them for life.
Kindness is always the answer. A simple act that is often overlooked. Being kind can ultimately change a person’s day and turn good moments into great moments. It can also carry you with grace through a tough situation. We truly never know what a person may be going through, so one small act of kindness can have such a ripple effect from one person to another. If you have to choose between being right or being kind, always choose kindness. It may feel “good” in the moment to be right, but if there’s anything I hope to teach my kids it’s that kindness always win.
Next is to always remember there is only one of YOU. Both Blake and Blaire, have unique qualities that make them so special. One being bold and the other being quiet. One being daring and the other being cautious. I don’t want either of them being anyone but themselves. It’s hard sometimes to not compare yourself to another person, trust me I’ve done it and still do, but showing up as you are and remaining true to yourself is enough. When you’re authentically yourself, it brings out the best version of you. I get that it’s always not easy with social media at our fingertips, but always remember that you were uniquely made. Don’t ever forget that when you start to go down the road of comparison.
Third is that life can be hard, but you are stronger than you think. The days you don’t feel like getting out of bed, going out of your comfort zone or feeling like you failed, these are the days you may just have to push through but I promise you will get through it and become stronger. You’ll look back and say “wow” that was a hard chapter of my life, but I did it! There might be days where your heart feels like it is breaking (especially as a mom when you see your child hurting or lose a loved one), but I promise you are strong enough to put it back together. Life will throw you curveballs but it’s what you make of them. Focus on trying to find the positive in hard situations because it might change your perspective and give you that extra push when you don’t think you can make it.
Fourth is go the extra mile. People notice and it can make all the difference. Hold the door open for someone, help that mom who may be struggling on the plane or simply make time to catch up with a friend on the phone verses texting. It may seem so simple, but these little steps can make all the difference.
Lastly, always be honest. It’s about doing the right thing when no one is watching. Such a simple yet strong impact we can have on our children when they are young. It can be hard to do the right thing in certain situations, but we are teaching our children how to hold themselves accountable, learn about the consequences of their actions and the importance of trust. I’m so thankful for my mom for being such a model of integrity during my formative years as a child and strive to be that model for Blake and Blaire.
Always remember that it’s the simple things in life that are extraordinary and can make all the difference. Life is our greatest teacher of all if we just sit back and enjoy the ride.
The Invisible Load of Motherhood
Between caring for my kids and countless hospital visits last week, let’s just say I’ve never been more overwhelmed in my life. The exhaustion was and still is real. I truly felt helpless and was in full-blown fight or flight mode all week trying to figure out what was causing me so much physical pain. Luckily, I’ve been trending upward and am really focusing on slowing down and listening to my body. It seems so simple but yet can make all the difference in our day to day lives. Let’s just say I, and several other moms I know, are living with this invisible load that comes with the pressure to do all the things, all the time. While in the hospital, I had a lot of time to reflect and think about what really matters. If there’s a silver lining in all of this, it’s that I learned it isn’t healthy to try and muddle through life in a constant state of chaos while accepting “stressed mom” status as a part of motherhood. I learned that the hard way.
I get it. It’s a lot easier said than done. I hated when people would tell me just to “relax”. I swear it made me not relax and actually more upset. As moms, it’s hard to find time to slow down or often reflect, but as someone who just went through a burnout, I’m telling you how important it is. The invisible load of motherhood can be so taxing but learning to slow down your mind and body is crucial. We don’t have to accept stress as our default state of being. It’s important that we learn how stress shows up, what our triggers are, along with how to break away from the stress cycle which ultimately will allow us to show up the way we want for ourselves and our children.
If you’re anything like me, even the task of asking for help or communicating your needs feels like another burden in and of itself. I was so scared of being away from my babies for a week, but it was necessary in order to heal, and I had to rely on my people. I wouldn’t have made it through without the help from my mom, dad and husband. I’ve written about this before but having a great support system will make all the difference; especially when you’re sick. By sharing your invisible burdens, it can allow yourself to destress and redistribute some of your responsibilities. I know that I had to fully rely on my mom and husband to advocate for me last week because I simply couldn’t do it myself while being in so much pain. It was hard for me to “let go” but it was necessary. Of course, we all survived, barely, but we did! Even though routines were thrown out the door, meals weren’t perfect, and the house was a mess, I learned how important it is not to run myself into the ground. Whether that means calling a friend, working out, taking a “mommy time out”, or simply reading a chapter of a book, take time for yourself as much as you’re able too. If we want to show up for our children, we need to take care of ourselves as well. I was putting myself on the backburner by not listening to my body and ultimately paid the price. As my own mother once said, “how do you expect a car to function if you’re not putting the proper fuel in it?”
At the end of the day, moms need to remember that our feelings, stress levels and physical well-being matters too! Simple changes to our day-to-day routines can make all the difference and prevent us from burning out. Whether that be mindful breathing, cuddling your baby, going on a short walk, or simply fueling your body properly, it all matters! Society often reinforces the idea that “good moms” sacrifice their own needs, but all that does is set us up for stress and burnout. Personally, I feel like I’ve been living in this “stressed mom era” but it’s time to let go.
I’ll leave you with this. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got.
Dear exhausted mom, it’s OK to say no.
Saying “no” might seem like a small act or come off the wrong way, but after having both my babies I’ve learned that it’s OK to say “no”. As moms, we often feel compelled to say “yes” to every demand, request, or expectation that is placed on us. However, learning to say “no” is not a bad thing and can actually allow us to slow down. As moms, we are constantly living our lives in fast-forward, moving from one thing to the next, and most times don’t have time to catch our breath. Let’s just call it the marathon of motherhood!
After having my daughter last November, I’ve always felt a constant need to be doing something every minute of every single day because I barely did anything while I was pregnant with her. I’ve put this constant pressure on myself the last nine months to make up for lost time. I didn’t want to miss out on life, so I kept saying “yes” to every opportunity that came my way. It’s not a bad thing, but I’ve learned that saying “no” has allowed me to slow down and been crucial for my mental health. I’ve also discovered I can miss out on stuff and still survive along with being happy. I know, shocking!
There are seasons of life when our schedules are naturally full. Don’t want another thing on your weekly to-do list? If you’re tired, it’s ok not to sign your kid up for an activity. It won’t hurt them. Don’t feel like cooking for the night? It’s ok if your kids are having Mac and Cheese for a second night in a row. Honestly, they probably will love you more for it anyways and it will be a win-win situation for all. Over the last couple of months, I’ve realized that I’ve been the one putting all the weight and pressure on my shoulders by simply trying to do too much. I’m here to tell you how important it is to take a step back. It’s important to remember that saying “no” does not make you lesser of a mom. In fact, it can make us better moms by allowing us to preserve our mental health and energy, which in turn enables us to be more present and nurturing for our kids. I can’t tell you the number of times where I’ve felt like I’ve needed to be somewhere or doing something so I wouldn’t have mom guilt later on. As moms, we often feel like we’re failing if we don’t say “yes’” to our kid’s every request or sign our kids up for every activity. I sure have felt that way recently when I don’t feel like going out because the thought of getting two kids out the house seems daunting and too much of a hassle for me. It’s easy to get caught up in what society expects from us as moms. Social media, especially, often paints this picture that the ideal mom is someone who is always available and always saying “yes”. The reality is that saying “no” can be much more powerful and allow us to set boundaries and recognize when we have no fuel left in our tank. Don’t get me wrong, there are seasons of life when we need to suck it up and push through. But, with that recognizing when to pump the brakes and slow down. You aren’t lazy but you are saving yourself from overcommitting and burning out.
Embracing the power of saying “no” has brought a lot of positive change within my family’s life. Prioritizing our needs and not what the world and everyone else thinks, has been life changing. This is not me saying you shouldn’t say “yes” to opportunities in life (of course I do!), but just a reminder that it’s all a balance. Let people know what you can or can’t commit too, and when you do choose to say “no” be kind and clear. By prioritizing my mental health and well-being, I’ve been able to focus on what truly matters which has led to a more balanced and fulfilling family life. Don’t let the weight of others’ opinions or societal perceptions hold you down; you know what’s best for you and your family and it’s ok to sometimes just say “no”.
From corporate to chaos, what being a SAHM has taught me.
Being a stay-at-home mom is no walk in the park. I’ve spent the last eight years in the insurance industry and decided to finally part ways to be a stay-at-home mom in April. During my time in insurance, I learned a lot about self-discipline, networking and most importantly time management. Something that has come in handy as I’m learning to balance the day-to-day routine with both my kids. As much as I enjoyed the sales aspect of my job, I knew it was time to step away when part time work wasn’t an option. I simply didn’t want to feel like I was being pulled in a million different directions; like I did when my son was first born. I’m beyond grateful I’m able to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids this time around. Whether you’re a stay at home or working mom, both jobs are hard. The demands and hectic routines never stop. Now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I can honestly say I miss the corporate world …. at times (like adult interaction!), but I absolutely love being home with my babies and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve also learned a lot about myself over the last several months and realized how much support I and all mothers really need, regardless of whether we are working or stay-at-home parents.
I always dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom before having both my babies. I imagined how good it would feel to finally be on top of everything. No more rushing around, cooking healthy dinners every night, along with being present for my kid’s every need. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’ve quickly learned that being a stay-at-home mom is like running a marathon, every single day, along with carrying two kids on my back. Never ending laundry, dishes, errands, making doctors’ appointments, the list goes on. I’ve realized how important it is to try and turn my brain and phone off after a certain time because I truly don’t think I would stop. As moms, it’s normal to feel like everything needs to fall on us, because it quite literally does, but delegating tasks, errands, etc. is just as important. I remember getting so anxious (still do at times!) and couldn’t fall asleep because I would think about how I would make it from one kid appointment to the next. I’ve realized that I can’t just make it out of the house as quickly anymore or schedule appointments so close together in hopes I can “fit everything all in”. Now, if I do have back-to-back appointments, I’ll try to ask for help way in advance or try to avoid over scheduling myself. Asking for help has taken some weight off my back and makes me feel like I have a relay team while I’m running my day-to-day marathon as a mom. Whether that means hiring extra help or reaching out to family/friends, do it! Sacrificing your own mental and physical health is just not worth it. We are human and it’s ok if we don’t have it all figured out.
For me, the most important lessons I’ve learned from being a stay-at-home mom is that it’s ok to admit you can’t do it all and how essential having a great support system is. We need breaks too and that doesn’t make you lesser of a mom. Support from your spouse, family, friends, or even an online community can make all the difference in our day to day lives. Regardless of if you’re a working or stay-at-home mom, we are all in the same boat of motherhood together and need all the encouragement and support we can get. I’ll leave you with this. Never underestimate the power of a simple call or text. It could ultimately make all the difference in a mom’s day.
My favorite chapter yet: transitioning from one to two.
I can’t imagine life without both my babies now. I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter thinking how I could love another just as much as my first, but I promise you mama, you can, and your heart will double in size. Becoming a mom of two has been so beautiful and rewarding but it’s also been hard. We’ve all heard the saying, “the days are long, but the years are short”. I try to remind myself of this when I feel like I’m in the thick of it and trying to survive the day-to-day chaos. I’ll be honest, there are days where I feel like I can conquer the world, and then the next I feel like I’m falling short. I definitely have felt a lot of mom guilt when trying to split my attention between both my kids, but I’m here to remind you that it’s normal. Transitioning from one to two is a big change, but as each day passes you figure it out and gain confidence along the way. After having my second, I remember constantly doubting myself. My mind began to go into overdrive with anxious thoughts and what ifs. It’s like I never had a baby before. If there’s anything you take away from this post, it’s that you just figure it out as you go. You get stronger, you gain your confidence back, you start letting go of the small stuff and you lean on your people.
This is all new. It’s like learning to ride a bike all over again. You are learning how to balance becoming a new mom of two and your children are learning how to become siblings. At first, my son Blake had a hard time adjusting to his new sister. Unfortunately, that was because he had RSV when she was first born. Now, that was rough, but I got through it! I remember thinking and praying that they would eventually start to interact and love on one another. Fast forward eight months later and he finally has warmed up to her in more ways than one and loves to play with his “sissy” each and every day. It truly warms my mama heart and makes the chaos all worth it. I had to remind myself it’s just as hard for him going from being an only child to having a sibling. I’ve realized making one-on-one time with him has been so important; those extra snuggles are everything. Blake also loves being so involved! Of course, I should’ve known this since he is such a busy boy, but he loves to help mama get a diaper, a toy, or “sissy” bottle. Take advantage of your toddlers or older kids wanting to help. It’s a win, win situation and they help you get stuff done!
Also, pick your battles. Yes, I have learned to just let stuff go and realized that sometimes it is okay to go easy on your kids (and yourself). It’s okay if he or she wants to stay up 30 minutes past bedtime. It’s okay if they don’t want to wear the outfit you picked out for the day or eat cookies all day long. It’s a huge relief when you don’t have to exert so much energy into everything and you can just say okay and be at peace with it. Pick your battles and where you put your energy into! Now that I feel like I’m getting into a routine with both kids, I have found that embracing the chaos is best, just like I talk about in my first post. Feeling overwhelmed and taking time for yourself is normal and necessary. Be easy on yourself and know that you will eventually find your groove. It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re in the thick of it, but you will get there.
Also, let’s be real. Social media can be such an illusion. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It can somehow make you feel sad and happy at the same time, right? Why does this mom always seem put together? Why does that mom make it look so easy? I’m here to tell you, don’t compare yourself and your kids, especially during those early postpartum days. It’s so easy to get caught up and compare yourself to other moms but just remember we all face hardships and stress along with highs and lows. Every mom and family are unique in their own way. Just do you and what’s best for your babies and the rest will follow.
Spoiler alert: we all sort of don’t know what we are doing, but deep down we all know what’s best and works for us and our kids. That’s what being a mom is and loving someone wholeheartedly. The unknown can be scary and create anxiety, but it’s also exciting! It can make us feel like we wish we had a crystal ball telling us what is next, but it can also teach us a lot about ourselves which is how we grow and learn. Life as mom of two has of course thrown me some curveballs, but I try to always remember that I am my kids' world. When life gets tough, and it will, lean on your people for support, don’t be scared to ask for help, don’t judge and don’t dwell. I promise, just like the rest of us you and your babies are going to be perfect in your own imperfect way. Don’t look back mama because the best is yet to come!
What I wish I knew sooner
Motherhood sure doesn’t come with a manual, but it can definitely come with a lot of advice and opinions. I remember the moment I started telling people I was pregnant with my son Blake; I began receiving all the advice. Advice that was so appreciated and had a lot of wisdom to it, but also unsolicited advice and opinions that made me think twice. We’ve all been there as moms.
As a new mom of two, I’m constantly learning and evolving. I’ve met so many amazing people and mom friends along my motherhood journey thus far and have received a great deal of advice, perspective, and insight that has really spoken to me and helped me become a better mom. Life as a mom can be so unpredictable, but we are all in this journey together. With that being said, here is some of the best advice I’ve come across as a mom and that I try to live out to the fullest each day.
When things get tough, remind yourself you will miss this.
It’s the 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM wake up calls and you’re barely hanging on. It’s the tantrum after tantrum all day long and you’re counting down the minutes until bedtime. Being in the thick of it as a mom can be downright hard and exhausting. It’s hard to remind yourself that you will miss these moments. But I promise you, you will. My son is now two years old and doesn’t need to be rocked before bed anymore. It feels like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms, instead of my 8-month-old daughter. My first born is growing up and time isn’t slowing down. In a blink of an eye, Blake will be off to kindergarten, and I will be wondering why time passed so quickly then. Living in the moment can be so hard when you feel like you’re at your wit’s end, but if you could speak to yourself 10 years from now, I guarantee you, you’ll miss these moments. Keep it up as motherhood isn’t easy. From my recent experiences as a mom of two, soaking in all the messiness and chaos of my kids has brought me so much happiness. They won’t be this little forever.
Every baby is different so don’t compare.
So much easier said than done. I get it. I’ve been a victim to comparison, and it’s robbed me of some happy moments with my kids. It’s normal to compare but remember every baby and parent is different in their own unique way and there’s no one size fits all. This may seem obvious, but you’re not a bad parent if you let your baby nap on you instead of their crib because that’s what helps them fall asleep. You’re not a bad parent if you don’t sleep train your child, or if they aren’t on a schedule, the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to hear what works for other moms so that I can try that technique or method out with my kids, but the minute I stopped comparing my babies’ journeys to others I began to feel more confident and so much happier. As moms we are doing our best and we deep down know what's best for our kids, so stick to your gut!
If people offer to help, TAKE IT!
I’ll be the first to admit that after I had my son, I wasn’t great at accepting help. I felt like it meant I was less independent or this badge of honor that I needed no one. Boy was I wrong. I wish I could’ve gone back and told myself to accept all the help I could, but fortunately enough I was given that chance after having my daughter. It was such a better experience for me, and I will always remember the support I had after giving birth by just accepting and asking for help. Whether that be a friend or family member dropping off a meal, letting you sleep in or simply having them watch your kids so you can sneak in a date night, accept it. Don’t feel like you’re less of a mom because you aren’t doing all the things. We need breaks too. In fact, when I’m able to have those breaks, I feel like a more patient and calmer mom around my kids.
Don’t be afraid if your baby cries or toddler throws a tantrum in public.
Yes, you may get stares. But babies cry, kids act out, and that’s OK! I remember being so terrified of doing things out in public because I was so nervous my son would act out or my daughter would start crying. It was like I was living in fear because I was so nervous of what people were going to think. Still to this day, I struggle with it but I need to take my own advice. Someone once told me that nobody is more bothered by a baby crying or a child acting out than you as their parent. That has stuck with me to this day. It’s true though because as moms we tend to go into panic mode based upon judgement from others. The thing is most people are probably thinking, “wow good for her for taking the kids out, or wow she is doing the best she can under the circumstances”. If someone wants to judge, well that’s their problem. Moral of the story is, it’s ok if your kids have bad moments out in public, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Keep on going out!
Stay calm, as your child is watching your every move.
I learned this the hard way. I can’t tell you the number of times my son has fallen, tripped or gotten hurt, and I’ve reacted in a non-calm manner. I was doing myself a disservice. I’ve learned that when he’s inconsolable, I need to be calm in order to console him. For instance, the moment he trips or falls he immediately looks over to see my reaction so he can react. If I’m calm, he’s calm. Our children are constantly mimicking our reactions and are incredible at reading people. Same goes with my daughter. The calmer and more collected I am when she gets upset, the more relaxed she is. Seems so simple but when you’re in the moment and frustrated it can be hard. Just remember pause, evaluate and most importantly take deep breaths.
Fed is best!
This can be such a controversial topic, but at the end of the day fed is truly best. These days, there’s such a stigma around women who choose not to breastfeed. I’m grateful to all who supported my journey with whatever I decided to choose whether that was breast, formula or a combination of both. Personally, I’ve done it all and at the end of the day as long as my babies are growing and being fed that’s all I care about. I also realized it’s ok not to share your journey when it comes to feeding because there are a lot of opinions that come with it. But of course, if I can make one mom feel less alone that’s what I’m here for and the sole reason behind my blog. It breaks my heart that there can be such negativity around formula feeding when you don’t know a mom’s full story. There can be so many reasons why women choose not to breastfeed whether that be they aren’t producing enough, or they straight up don’t want too. Then on the flip side, there are moms who exclusively breastfeed or pump and are constantly living life on demand. Not to mention, the toll it takes on their bodies mentally and physically. Just like me, I have friends who’ve done both. All their babies are happy, healthy and thriving. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you choose to feed your baby one-way verses another. Always remember fed is best.
Give yourself grace!
Something so important to me and that I’m constantly working on. Most days, I feel like I’m running on a short fuse as my to do list piles up with either laundry or the kids’ schedules, and there’s no end in sight to my day. When that happens, I like to remind myself I have two little kids and I’m setting unrealistic expectations for myself. We as moms go through a lot, especially after giving birth, so give yourself grace and go easy on yourself. Whether that means you’re still in your pajamas and it’s noon, you decide to order out instead of cook, or that you skip your morning exercise, that’s ok and sometimes necessary. That doesn’t mean you’re being lazy; it just means you’re human. Society puts all this pressure on us moms to have it altogether, when that that’s so far from reality. Show up as you are and try not to be so hard on yourself.
Motherhood is messy, beautiful, and challenging. Implementing all these tips of advice since becoming a mom has helped me in more ways than one and I hope they can help you too. As Jill Churchill once said, “there truly is no such thing as the perfect mom, but there are a million ways to be a good one”.
Getting your pink back
You may have heard the term “getting your pink back”, but what does it actually mean? The term is associated with flamingos. A trend that was inspired by social media influencer Lindsay Gurk about empowering postpartum women. I absolutely love this movement as it has given me hope during this postpartum period knowing I will eventually “get my pink back”.
If you have ever seen a flock of flamingos, you may have noticed how some may look white or very light pink. This is because flamingo mothers are drained of their color as they feed and take care of their chicks. In time, flamingo mothers do get their full pink back as their chicks become more independent and self-sufficient. This simple yet profound saying has resonated with me so much over the last several months. Oftentimes as moms, we feel as if we are losing our “pink”. I know firsthand how the hustle and bustle of everyday mom life can take a toll. We as moms are constantly pouring all our energy into our children. It’s what we do and that won’t ever change. But what do we do as moms if we feel like we’ve completely lost our “pink”?
I’ve been there. Those early postpartum days where you feel like you’re in full on survival mode. The late-night feeds, the constant 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM wake ups, pumping all hours on end, the list goes on. It may seem like you will never get back to “you” again but as a mom who was recently and am still in the thick of it, I’m here to tell you I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel once again and gaining a little bit of my “pink” back. You will too mama, I promise.
It’s still a process but I strive to work on focusing on things that bring me joy and make me the best version of myself as a mom and wife. It could be as simple as taking up a new hobby, meeting new friends or planning a date night with your spouse. I’ve recently gotten back into playing tennis and riding my Peloton. As much as I love the physical aspect, it’s been so good, if not better for me mentally as well. I would encourage all moms to start doing anything that makes you feel like you’re getting your sense of self and purpose back. It’s very easy and normal to grieve the loss or change in oneself that motherhood often brings. Remember this is temporary and there will come a point again where you feel alive and like yourself once again. It just takes time.
I’ve also realized how important it has been to build a great support system around me. Connecting with other new moms, whether that be through online communities, local support groups, or social media platforms, has helped me tremendously. This is also why I started Hanging with Heidi. I know how important and uplifting it is when you feel like a shared experience or story can make you feel less alone. I also have found that it’s ok to ask for help. As moms there’s a lot of pressure to “have it altogether” and a sense of mom guilt/judgement when you ask for help in that you aren’t capable of doing things on your own. It’s actually just the opposite and by asking for help it shows vulnerable strength. It allows you to get a fresh perspective and regroup. Don’t ever feel ashamed for asking for help, especially during those early postpartum days.
I always voice to my husband that I feel like my life is one big rollercoaster. Well, it is. As moms we are constantly growing and evolving. Life may throw us curveballs, but I’m here to remind you not to give up and stay strong! Find things that bring you joy and happiness in the NOW, and eventually you to mama will “get your pink back”.
This too, shall pass.
Dear anxious mama, I see you.
The constant racing thoughts that keep you up at night, keep you from going out to avoid people, and keep you from truly opening up to others. That’s me. I’m in the thick of it and you’re not alone.
Why can’t I escape my own thoughts? Why can’t I go back to living without anxiety prior to becoming a mom? These are questions I ask myself daily. This can’t be my new normal. Constantly overanalyzing everything I do as a mom, questioning if my daughter is breathing throughout the night (yes, I stare at her camera), conversations with friends, replaying the same situation over and over in my head. Feels like I’m quite literally losing my mind. I’m here to remind you that these thoughts are normal and temporary.
A wise woman once told me, “This too, shall pass”. That woman is my mom, and she is right. This is the season of life I’m in, and even though it’s consumed with anxious thoughts, those thoughts don’t define me nor will be forever. Some days are easier than others, but I strive every day to work on not letting my negative thoughts control me. I dealt with severe anxiety while I was pregnant with my daughter, and currently am dealing with it postpartum. I always would and still get so angry with myself wondering why I can’t just shake it. The more I fought to ignore it, the more it would creep in. Even though anxiety is a current part of my life, doesn’t mean it has to control my life, and it doesn’t have to control yours either.
I began focusing on the positive. So simple but has made such an impact. I’m very blessed to have two healthy children, a supportive spouse, great friends, the list goes on. Living in the moment and not with my anxious thoughts has helped me tremendously. I also realized how something such as simple as rephrasing a sentence along with positive self-talk can make a huge difference in the day-to-day busyness of mom life. Working out (love my Peloton!) along with getting outside for 30 minutes a day has made me feel like myself again too. It’s normal to feel like you may be losing yourself, but it takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Knowing that you may not be ok, is the first step. Again, this is temporary mama and won’t last forever. Lastly, never be afraid to reach out.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. From someone who survived some of my darkest days during pregnancy by letting my intrusive thoughts get the best of me, you are stronger than you think you are. Just remember, you may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Keep moving forward and know that this too, shall pass.
Embracing Chaos
I wish it was easier said than done. This has been my number one challenge I’ve currently faced in motherhood. Embracing the chaos, the good, the bad and the ugly. Coming from a sales background, I’ve always aimed for perfection. Well, as a mother we all know that’s not reality. The day-to-day grind as a mom is often overlooked. From being bogged down with a million tasks, trying to be super mom along with creating a happy home, it’s no walk in the park. Managing the chaos is something I’ve always wanted to somewhat master as a new mom of two. But how?
EMBRACE THE CHAOS. The minute I accepted my day may not go as planned was the day I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Life as a mom can be so unpredictable and full of uncertainty, but I’ve learned to accept it and not fight the challenges that may arise. I was the one who was standing in my own way and expecting too much. Kids crying, dog barking, puzzle pieces everywhere, trying to get the laundry done, on the brink of crying, it’s ok to feel like everything is out of control. You’re human and one person! Often stress, tension and anxiety can occur when you fight hard to change something you can’t. I found that rolling with the chaos and my response to the situation was key.
Let me paint a picture for you. Now that I’m a new mom of two, trying to balance it all has been challenging in more ways than one. I’ve always been a pretty disciplined person and thrive off of routine. I always like to follow a certain routine and schedule with my kids because let’s be honest kids thrive off of routine too. Most days I follow somewhat of a schedule, but if my kids sleep schedules, lunches, play groups, etc. get thrown off I get anxious and start getting in my head. Sounds so silly, but it would affect me in more ways than one. Did she not sleep through the night because I let her sleep 30 minutes longer? Did my son throw a tantrum because we weren’t outside long enough? The mom guilt is real. I’m here to tell you, it’s normal but accepting the day as it presents itself has helped me tremendously. I’ve accepted that if my daughter has a bad night or my son throws a tantrum at the park, to just roll with it and remember that it doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job or that you’re a bad mom. It’s life and it’s better to roll with it than fight it. This goes along with not comparing your routines, schedules, you name it, to others and doing what works for you and your family. Just remember, comparison is the thief of joy. Repeat that several times. There is only one of you and as moms we know our children best. Accept the chaos, daily motherhood mess, and know that you’re doing a great job with whatever your day may present.
I will leave you with this. There is no right path. Just the one you’re on. The minute I started to embrace the chaos of mommy hood is when I began to start becoming more fulfilled. I’m so excited for this new chapter and thanks for hanging with me on this crazy journey of motherhood!