Letting Go of Mom Guilt
As a mom, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced mom guilt. It’s that overwhelming feeling of not being enough or doing enough for our children. As much as we try to ignore it, I want all my mom friends to know that you’re not alone in your feelings. Nowadays, there’s so many unrealistic expectations put on us moms. It’s normal to think you’re not doing enough, especially when society tells us we need to be “doing it all”. The good news is you’re not alone and awareness is half the battle. With that, I’ve learned and am still learning some tips and tricks to help combat that mom guilt when it starts to creep in.
For a long time, I always felt the need to do everything myself because I wanted everything to be done “the right way”. It wasn't until I let go of the idea that I had to do everything on my own and began leaning on my husband and family for support that I finally found some much-needed breathing room. By allowing other people to help me, that relinquished a lot of my stress and helped take the pressure off. Now, I feel more energized and supported in more ways than one since I have a great support system around me.
Mom guilt can show up in so many ways. For me, I often felt mom guilt when I was working full time and missed out on some of Blake’s milestones, whereas now I get it if I don’t have activities planned for my kids every day since I’m home with them. I find myself breaking down when that guilt begins to creep in, so I started keeping track of small wins on my phone notepad to help ease my mind whenever I begin to feel anxious. It’s helped me tremendously and is a gentle reminder that I’m capable and might just be having a bad moment.
As moms, we need to remember to give ourselves grace and realize that we don’t have to be everything to everyone. Most days I feel overwhelmed but have realized it’s okay to focus on self-care or have a day where I might not be able to do everything I had planned. My goal with everything I do is to focus 100% of my energy on what is right in front of me. I can’t do it all, but I try to give each area of my life the very best that I can which helps alleviate that mom guilt. It’s common as moms to feel like we’ve “failed” our kids because of the standards we hold for ourselves in our heads. I’ve learned to just let that go and truly focus on being in the present instead of letting those unrealistic standards get the best of me. My family deserves the best version of me so if that means spending less time on my phone or not planning a million activities, I’m going to do it. I’d rather not spread myself so thin.
If there’s anything I want you to take away, it’s that you need to learn to forgive yourself and do what’s right for you and your family in any given moment. No one is perfect and you will make mistakes. I just remember my first day back to work after having Blake and as I was sitting in my meeting, I heard him screaming and crying from the other room. My mama heart ached, and I started going down the rabbit hole of if I made the right decision to go back to work. At that moment in time, I was meant to be where I was and had to really work on balancing that guilt in my head, knowing of all the good I was doing for my family. Even now, there are several days where I feel like I’m struggling to push through and might not be able to accomplish all the things I had planned but have learned there’s nothing wrong with that. Instead of beginning that negative self-talk and letting the mom guilt creep in, I try to take a deep breath and reset my thinking; something so simple, yet so powerful.
At the end of the day, it’s normal to feel mom guilt. The fact that you have any type of guilt in the first place makes you a great mom because you ultimately want what’s best for your children. Always remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect mom as hard as we try. Our imperfect is perfect in our child’s eyes.
