To my almost one year old
I’m sitting here and thinking just how grateful I am. I’ve been a ball of emotions the last couple of weeks as I begin to plan for Blaire’s first birthday. I feel like I just watched the last year flash before my eyes. No one talks about how hard it is when your child turns one. It brings upon so many emotions. You think back on all the beautiful and joyful moments yet also don’t forget those hard moments when you didn’t think you were going to make it. For some, it could be the last time you’re celebrating a first birthday. All the emotions you feel are valid. As I reflect on the last ten months, it’s truly been the biggest blessing and honor to watch my babies grow and become closer. I have learned patience, selflessness, and strength. There were plenty of times where I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but those were the moments that made me stronger.
In many ways, the last ten months seem like a blur. From that first night in the NICU, to the first time she said mama, to now almost becoming one, it’s been one of the most beautiful yet emotional years of my life. Looking back, I grew so much as a mother and truly learned to find the beauty in everyday life amongst the chaos. Life taught me the true meaning of slowing down, living in the moment and how a simple smile can change a person’s day.
As I start to plan her first birthday celebration, I can’t say I’m not grieving a little. Grieving that she won’t be this little forever. I keep getting flashbacks to those newborn days or the first time she met her big brother and can’t help but be happy and sad at the same time. I look back at old photos and think, “Who is she?” I tell myself she’s the same but different. That’s when I begin to realize how far I’ve come and how it is such an accomplishment getting through that first year. There is so much that is thrown at us moms and navigating it all should be celebrated.
Blaire has brought our family so much joy. It’s hard not to get emotional as I think about all we’ve been through. For as much as I’ve been trying not to think about her first birthday, I’ve found excitement and joy in what’s yet to come. I thank God everyday he chose her to be a part of our family and know that her little smile will forever change the world.
