What I wish I knew sooner
Motherhood sure doesn’t come with a manual, but it can definitely come with a lot of advice and opinions. I remember the moment I started telling people I was pregnant with my son Blake; I began receiving all the advice. Advice that was so appreciated and had a lot of wisdom to it, but also unsolicited advice and opinions that made me think twice. We’ve all been there as moms.
As a new mom of two, I’m constantly learning and evolving. I’ve met so many amazing people and mom friends along my motherhood journey thus far and have received a great deal of advice, perspective, and insight that has really spoken to me and helped me become a better mom. Life as a mom can be so unpredictable, but we are all in this journey together. With that being said, here is some of the best advice I’ve come across as a mom and that I try to live out to the fullest each day.
When things get tough, remind yourself you will miss this.
It’s the 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM wake up calls and you’re barely hanging on. It’s the tantrum after tantrum all day long and you’re counting down the minutes until bedtime. Being in the thick of it as a mom can be downright hard and exhausting. It’s hard to remind yourself that you will miss these moments. But I promise you, you will. My son is now two years old and doesn’t need to be rocked before bed anymore. It feels like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms, instead of my 8-month-old daughter. My first born is growing up and time isn’t slowing down. In a blink of an eye, Blake will be off to kindergarten, and I will be wondering why time passed so quickly then. Living in the moment can be so hard when you feel like you’re at your wit’s end, but if you could speak to yourself 10 years from now, I guarantee you, you’ll miss these moments. Keep it up as motherhood isn’t easy. From my recent experiences as a mom of two, soaking in all the messiness and chaos of my kids has brought me so much happiness. They won’t be this little forever.
Every baby is different so don’t compare.
So much easier said than done. I get it. I’ve been a victim to comparison, and it’s robbed me of some happy moments with my kids. It’s normal to compare but remember every baby and parent is different in their own unique way and there’s no one size fits all. This may seem obvious, but you’re not a bad parent if you let your baby nap on you instead of their crib because that’s what helps them fall asleep. You’re not a bad parent if you don’t sleep train your child, or if they aren’t on a schedule, the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to hear what works for other moms so that I can try that technique or method out with my kids, but the minute I stopped comparing my babies’ journeys to others I began to feel more confident and so much happier. As moms we are doing our best and we deep down know what's best for our kids, so stick to your gut!
If people offer to help, TAKE IT!
I’ll be the first to admit that after I had my son, I wasn’t great at accepting help. I felt like it meant I was less independent or this badge of honor that I needed no one. Boy was I wrong. I wish I could’ve gone back and told myself to accept all the help I could, but fortunately enough I was given that chance after having my daughter. It was such a better experience for me, and I will always remember the support I had after giving birth by just accepting and asking for help. Whether that be a friend or family member dropping off a meal, letting you sleep in or simply having them watch your kids so you can sneak in a date night, accept it. Don’t feel like you’re less of a mom because you aren’t doing all the things. We need breaks too. In fact, when I’m able to have those breaks, I feel like a more patient and calmer mom around my kids.
Don’t be afraid if your baby cries or toddler throws a tantrum in public.
Yes, you may get stares. But babies cry, kids act out, and that’s OK! I remember being so terrified of doing things out in public because I was so nervous my son would act out or my daughter would start crying. It was like I was living in fear because I was so nervous of what people were going to think. Still to this day, I struggle with it but I need to take my own advice. Someone once told me that nobody is more bothered by a baby crying or a child acting out than you as their parent. That has stuck with me to this day. It’s true though because as moms we tend to go into panic mode based upon judgement from others. The thing is most people are probably thinking, “wow good for her for taking the kids out, or wow she is doing the best she can under the circumstances”. If someone wants to judge, well that’s their problem. Moral of the story is, it’s ok if your kids have bad moments out in public, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Keep on going out!
Stay calm, as your child is watching your every move.
I learned this the hard way. I can’t tell you the number of times my son has fallen, tripped or gotten hurt, and I’ve reacted in a non-calm manner. I was doing myself a disservice. I’ve learned that when he’s inconsolable, I need to be calm in order to console him. For instance, the moment he trips or falls he immediately looks over to see my reaction so he can react. If I’m calm, he’s calm. Our children are constantly mimicking our reactions and are incredible at reading people. Same goes with my daughter. The calmer and more collected I am when she gets upset, the more relaxed she is. Seems so simple but when you’re in the moment and frustrated it can be hard. Just remember pause, evaluate and most importantly take deep breaths.
Fed is best!
This can be such a controversial topic, but at the end of the day fed is truly best. These days, there’s such a stigma around women who choose not to breastfeed. I’m grateful to all who supported my journey with whatever I decided to choose whether that was breast, formula or a combination of both. Personally, I’ve done it all and at the end of the day as long as my babies are growing and being fed that’s all I care about. I also realized it’s ok not to share your journey when it comes to feeding because there are a lot of opinions that come with it. But of course, if I can make one mom feel less alone that’s what I’m here for and the sole reason behind my blog. It breaks my heart that there can be such negativity around formula feeding when you don’t know a mom’s full story. There can be so many reasons why women choose not to breastfeed whether that be they aren’t producing enough, or they straight up don’t want too. Then on the flip side, there are moms who exclusively breastfeed or pump and are constantly living life on demand. Not to mention, the toll it takes on their bodies mentally and physically. Just like me, I have friends who’ve done both. All their babies are happy, healthy and thriving. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you choose to feed your baby one-way verses another. Always remember fed is best.
Give yourself grace!
Something so important to me and that I’m constantly working on. Most days, I feel like I’m running on a short fuse as my to do list piles up with either laundry or the kids’ schedules, and there’s no end in sight to my day. When that happens, I like to remind myself I have two little kids and I’m setting unrealistic expectations for myself. We as moms go through a lot, especially after giving birth, so give yourself grace and go easy on yourself. Whether that means you’re still in your pajamas and it’s noon, you decide to order out instead of cook, or that you skip your morning exercise, that’s ok and sometimes necessary. That doesn’t mean you’re being lazy; it just means you’re human. Society puts all this pressure on us moms to have it altogether, when that that’s so far from reality. Show up as you are and try not to be so hard on yourself.
Motherhood is messy, beautiful, and challenging. Implementing all these tips of advice since becoming a mom has helped me in more ways than one and I hope they can help you too. As Jill Churchill once said, “there truly is no such thing as the perfect mom, but there are a million ways to be a good one”.
