From corporate to chaos, what being a SAHM has taught me.

Being a stay-at-home mom is no walk in the park. I’ve spent the last eight years in the insurance industry and decided to finally part ways to be a stay-at-home mom in April. During my time in insurance, I learned a lot about self-discipline, networking and most importantly time management. Something that has come in handy as I’m learning to balance the day-to-day routine with both my kids. As much as I enjoyed the sales aspect of my job, I knew it was time to step away when part time work wasn’t an option. I simply didn’t want to feel like I was being pulled in a million different directions; like I did when my son was first born. I’m beyond grateful I’m able to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids this time around. Whether you’re a stay at home or working mom, both jobs are hard. The demands and hectic routines never stop. Now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I can honestly say I miss the corporate world …. at times (like adult interaction!), but I absolutely love being home with my babies and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve also learned a lot about myself over the last several months and realized how much support I and all mothers really need, regardless of whether we are working or stay-at-home parents.

I always dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom before having both my babies. I imagined how good it would feel to finally be on top of everything. No more rushing around, cooking healthy dinners every night, along with being present for my kid’s every need. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’ve quickly learned that being a stay-at-home mom is like running a marathon, every single day, along with carrying two kids on my back. Never ending laundry, dishes, errands, making doctors’ appointments, the list goes on. I’ve realized how important it is to try and turn my brain and phone off after a certain time because I truly don’t think I would stop. As moms, it’s normal to feel like everything needs to fall on us, because it quite literally does, but delegating tasks, errands, etc. is just as important. I remember getting so anxious (still do at times!) and couldn’t fall asleep because I would think about how I would make it from one kid appointment to the next. I’ve realized that I can’t just make it out of the house as quickly anymore or schedule appointments so close together in hopes I can “fit everything all in”. Now, if I do have back-to-back appointments, I’ll try to ask for help way in advance or try to avoid over scheduling myself. Asking for help has taken some weight off my back and makes me feel like I have a relay team while I’m running my day-to-day marathon as a mom. Whether that means hiring extra help or reaching out to family/friends, do it! Sacrificing your own mental and physical health is just not worth it. We are human and it’s ok if we don’t have it all figured out.

For me, the most important lessons I’ve learned from being a stay-at-home mom is that it’s ok to admit you can’t do it all and how essential having a great support system is. We need breaks too and that doesn’t make you lesser of a mom. Support from your spouse, family, friends, or even an online community can make all the difference in our day to day lives. Regardless of if you’re a working or stay-at-home mom, we are all in the same boat of motherhood together and need all the encouragement and support we can get. I’ll leave you with this. Never underestimate the power of a simple call or text. It could ultimately make all the difference in a mom’s day.

My favorite chapter yet: transitioning from one to two.

I can’t imagine life without both my babies now. I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter thinking how I could love another just as much as my first, but I promise you mama, you can, and your heart will double in size. Becoming a mom of two has been so beautiful and rewarding but it’s also been hard. We’ve all heard the saying, “the days are long, but the years are short”. I try to remind myself of this when I feel like I’m in the thick of it and trying to survive the day-to-day chaos. I’ll be honest, there are days where I feel like I can conquer the world, and then the next I feel like I’m falling short. I definitely have felt a lot of mom guilt when trying to split my attention between both my kids, but I’m here to remind you that it’s normal. Transitioning from one to two is a big change, but as each day passes you figure it out and gain confidence along the way. After having my second, I remember constantly doubting myself. My mind began to go into overdrive with anxious thoughts and what ifs. It’s like I never had a baby before. If there’s anything you take away from this post, it’s that you just figure it out as you go. You get stronger, you gain your confidence back, you start letting go of the small stuff and you lean on your people.

This is all new. It’s like learning to ride a bike all over again. You are learning how to balance becoming a new mom of two and your children are learning how to become siblings. At first, my son Blake had a hard time adjusting to his new sister. Unfortunately, that was because he had RSV when she was first born. Now, that was rough, but I got through it! I remember thinking and praying that they would eventually start to interact and love on one another. Fast forward eight months later and he finally has warmed up to her in more ways than one and loves to play with his “sissy” each and every day. It truly warms my mama heart and makes the chaos all worth it. I had to remind myself it’s just as hard for him going from being an only child to having a sibling. I’ve realized making one-on-one time with him has been so important; those extra snuggles are everything. Blake also loves being so involved! Of course, I should’ve known this since he is such a busy boy, but he loves to help mama get a diaper, a toy, or “sissy” bottle. Take advantage of your toddlers or older kids wanting to help. It’s a win, win situation and they help you get stuff done!

Also, pick your battles. Yes, I have learned to just let stuff go and realized that sometimes it is okay to go easy on your kids (and yourself). It’s okay if he or she wants to stay up 30 minutes past bedtime. It’s okay if they don’t want to wear the outfit you picked out for the day or eat cookies all day long. It’s a huge relief when you don’t have to exert so much energy into everything and you can just say okay and be at peace with it. Pick your battles and where you put your energy into! Now that I feel like I’m getting into a routine with both kids, I have found that embracing the chaos is best, just like I talk about in my first post. Feeling overwhelmed and taking time for yourself is normal and necessary. Be easy on yourself and know that you will eventually find your groove. It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re in the thick of it, but you will get there.

Also, let’s be real. Social media can be such an illusion. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It can somehow make you feel sad and happy at the same time, right? Why does this mom always seem put together? Why does that mom make it look so easy? I’m here to tell you, don’t compare yourself and your kids, especially during those early postpartum days. It’s so easy to get caught up and compare yourself to other moms but just remember we all face hardships and stress along with highs and lows. Every mom and family are unique in their own way. Just do you and what’s best for your babies and the rest will follow.

Spoiler alert: we all sort of don’t know what we are doing, but deep down we all know what’s best and works for us and our kids. That’s what being a mom is and loving someone wholeheartedly. The unknown can be scary and create anxiety, but it’s also exciting! It can make us feel like we wish we had a crystal ball telling us what is next, but it can also teach us a lot about ourselves which is how we grow and learn. Life as mom of two has of course thrown me some curveballs, but I try to always remember that I am my kids' world. When life gets tough, and it will, lean on your people for support, don’t be scared to ask for help, don’t judge and don’t dwell. I promise, just like the rest of us you and your babies are going to be perfect in your own imperfect way. Don’t look back mama because the best is yet to come!

What I wish I knew sooner

Motherhood sure doesn’t come with a manual, but it can definitely come with a lot of advice and opinions. I remember the moment I started telling people I was pregnant with my son Blake; I began receiving all the advice. Advice that was so appreciated and had a lot of wisdom to it, but also unsolicited advice and opinions that made me think twice. We’ve all been there as moms.

As a new mom of two, I’m constantly learning and evolving. I’ve met so many amazing people and mom friends along my motherhood journey thus far and have received a great deal of advice, perspective, and insight that has really spoken to me and helped me become a better mom. Life as a mom can be so unpredictable, but we are all in this journey together. With that being said, here is some of the best advice I’ve come across as a mom and that I try to live out to the fullest each day.

When things get tough, remind yourself you will miss this.

It’s the 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM wake up calls and you’re barely hanging on. It’s the tantrum after tantrum all day long and you’re counting down the minutes until bedtime. Being in the thick of it as a mom can be downright hard and exhausting. It’s hard to remind yourself that you will miss these moments. But I promise you, you will. My son is now two years old and doesn’t need to be rocked before bed anymore. It feels like just yesterday I was holding him in my arms, instead of my 8-month-old daughter. My first born is growing up and time isn’t slowing down. In a blink of an eye, Blake will be off to kindergarten, and I will be wondering why time passed so quickly then. Living in the moment can be so hard when you feel like you’re at your wit’s end, but if you could speak to yourself 10 years from now, I guarantee you, you’ll miss these moments. Keep it up as motherhood isn’t easy. From my recent experiences as a mom of two, soaking in all the messiness and chaos of my kids has brought me so much happiness. They won’t be this little forever.

Every baby is different so don’t compare.

So much easier said than done. I get it. I’ve been a victim to comparison, and it’s robbed me of some happy moments with my kids. It’s normal to compare but remember every baby and parent is different in their own unique way and there’s no one size fits all. This may seem obvious, but you’re not a bad parent if you let your baby nap on you instead of their crib because that’s what helps them fall asleep. You’re not a bad parent if you don’t sleep train your child, or if they aren’t on a schedule, the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to hear what works for other moms so that I can try that technique or method out with my kids, but the minute I stopped comparing my babies’ journeys to others I began to feel more confident and so much happier. As moms we are doing our best and we deep down know what's best for our kids, so stick to your gut!

If people offer to help, TAKE IT!

I’ll be the first to admit that after I had my son, I wasn’t great at accepting help. I felt like it meant I was less independent or this badge of honor that I needed no one. Boy was I wrong. I wish I could’ve gone back and told myself to accept all the help I could, but fortunately enough I was given that chance after having my daughter. It was such a better experience for me, and I will always remember the support I had after giving birth by just accepting and asking for help. Whether that be a friend or family member dropping off a meal, letting you sleep in or simply having them watch your kids so you can sneak in a date night, accept it. Don’t feel like you’re less of a mom because you aren’t doing all the things. We need breaks too. In fact, when I’m able to have those breaks, I feel like a more patient and calmer mom around my kids.

Don’t be afraid if your baby cries or toddler throws a tantrum in public.

Yes, you may get stares. But babies cry, kids act out, and that’s OK! I remember being so terrified of doing things out in public because I was so nervous my son would act out or my daughter would start crying. It was like I was living in fear because I was so nervous of what people were going to think. Still to this day, I struggle with it but I need to take my own advice. Someone once told me that nobody is more bothered by a baby crying or a child acting out than you as their parent. That has stuck with me to this day. It’s true though because as moms we tend to go into panic mode based upon judgement from others. The thing is most people are probably thinking, “wow good for her for taking the kids out, or wow she is doing the best she can under the circumstances”. If someone wants to judge, well that’s their problem. Moral of the story is, it’s ok if your kids have bad moments out in public, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Keep on going out!

Stay calm, as your child is watching your every move.

I learned this the hard way. I can’t tell you the number of times my son has fallen, tripped or gotten hurt, and I’ve reacted in a non-calm manner. I was doing myself a disservice. I’ve learned that when he’s inconsolable, I need to be calm in order to console him. For instance, the moment he trips or falls he immediately looks over to see my reaction so he can react. If I’m calm, he’s calm. Our children are constantly mimicking our reactions and are incredible at reading people. Same goes with my daughter. The calmer and more collected I am when she gets upset, the more relaxed she is. Seems so simple but when you’re in the moment and frustrated it can be hard. Just remember pause, evaluate and most importantly take deep breaths.

Fed is best!

This can be such a controversial topic, but at the end of the day fed is truly best. These days, there’s such a stigma around women who choose not to breastfeed. I’m grateful to all who supported my journey with whatever I decided to choose whether that was breast, formula or a combination of both. Personally, I’ve done it all and at the end of the day as long as my babies are growing and being fed that’s all I care about. I also realized it’s ok not to share your journey when it comes to feeding because there are a lot of opinions that come with it. But of course, if I can make one mom feel less alone that’s what I’m here for and the sole reason behind my blog. It breaks my heart that there can be such negativity around formula feeding when you don’t know a mom’s full story. There can be so many reasons why women choose not to breastfeed whether that be they aren’t producing enough, or they straight up don’t want too. Then on the flip side, there are moms who exclusively breastfeed or pump and are constantly living life on demand. Not to mention, the toll it takes on their bodies mentally and physically. Just like me, I have friends who’ve done both. All their babies are happy, healthy and thriving. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you choose to feed your baby one-way verses another. Always remember fed is best.

Give yourself grace!

Something so important to me and that I’m constantly working on. Most days, I feel like I’m running on a short fuse as my to do list piles up with either laundry or the kids’ schedules, and there’s no end in sight to my day. When that happens, I like to remind myself I have two little kids and I’m setting unrealistic expectations for myself. We as moms go through a lot, especially after giving birth, so give yourself grace and go easy on yourself. Whether that means you’re still in your pajamas and it’s noon, you decide to order out instead of cook, or that you skip your morning exercise, that’s ok and sometimes necessary. That doesn’t mean you’re being lazy; it just means you’re human. Society puts all this pressure on us moms to have it altogether, when that that’s so far from reality. Show up as you are and try not to be so hard on yourself.

Motherhood is messy, beautiful, and challenging. Implementing all these tips of advice since becoming a mom has helped me in more ways than one and I hope they can help you too. As Jill Churchill once said, “there truly is no such thing as the perfect mom, but there are a million ways to be a good one”.

Getting your pink back

You may have heard the term “getting your pink back”, but what does it actually mean? The term is associated with flamingos. A trend that was inspired by social media influencer Lindsay Gurk about empowering postpartum women. I absolutely love this movement as it has given me hope during this postpartum period knowing I will eventually “get my pink back”.

If you have ever seen a flock of flamingos, you may have noticed how some may look white or very light pink. This is because flamingo mothers are drained of their color as they feed and take care of their chicks. In time, flamingo mothers do get their full pink back as their chicks become more independent and self-sufficient. This simple yet profound saying has resonated with me so much over the last several months. Oftentimes as moms, we feel as if we are losing our “pink”. I know firsthand how the hustle and bustle of everyday mom life can take a toll. We as moms are constantly pouring all our energy into our children. It’s what we do and that won’t ever change. But what do we do as moms if we feel like we’ve completely lost our “pink”?

I’ve been there. Those early postpartum days where you feel like you’re in full on survival mode. The late-night feeds, the constant 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM wake ups, pumping all hours on end, the list goes on. It may seem like you will never get back to “you” again but as a mom who was recently and am still in the thick of it, I’m here to tell you I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel once again and gaining a little bit of my “pink” back. You will too mama, I promise.

It’s still a process but I strive to work on focusing on things that bring me joy and make me the best version of myself as a mom and wife. It could be as simple as taking up a new hobby, meeting new friends or planning a date night with your spouse. I’ve recently gotten back into playing tennis and riding my Peloton. As much as I love the physical aspect, it’s been so good, if not better for me mentally as well. I would encourage all moms to start doing anything that makes you feel like you’re getting your sense of self and purpose back. It’s very easy and normal to grieve the loss or change in oneself that motherhood often brings. Remember this is temporary and there will come a point again where you feel alive and like yourself once again. It just takes time.

I’ve also realized how important it has been to build a great support system around me. Connecting with other new moms, whether that be through online communities, local support groups, or social media platforms, has helped me tremendously. This is also why I started Hanging with Heidi. I know how important and uplifting it is when you feel like a shared experience or story can make you feel less alone. I also have found that it’s ok to ask for help. As moms there’s a lot of pressure to “have it altogether” and a sense of mom guilt/judgement when you ask for help in that you aren’t capable of doing things on your own. It’s actually just the opposite and by asking for help it shows vulnerable strength. It allows you to get a fresh perspective and regroup. Don’t ever feel ashamed for asking for help, especially during those early postpartum days.

I always voice to my husband that I feel like my life is one big rollercoaster. Well, it is. As moms we are constantly growing and evolving. Life may throw us curveballs, but I’m here to remind you not to give up and stay strong! Find things that bring you joy and happiness in the NOW, and eventually you to mama will “get your pink back”.

This too, shall pass.

Dear anxious mama, I see you.

The constant racing thoughts that keep you up at night, keep you from going out to avoid people, and keep you from truly opening up to others. That’s me. I’m in the thick of it and you’re not alone.

Why can’t I escape my own thoughts? Why can’t I go back to living without anxiety prior to becoming a mom? These are questions I ask myself daily. This can’t be my new normal. Constantly overanalyzing everything I do as a mom, questioning if my daughter is breathing throughout the night (yes, I stare at her camera), conversations with friends, replaying the same situation over and over in my head. Feels like I’m quite literally losing my mind. I’m here to remind you that these thoughts are normal and temporary.

A wise woman once told me, “This too, shall pass”. That woman is my mom, and she is right. This is the season of life I’m in, and even though it’s consumed with anxious thoughts, those thoughts don’t define me nor will be forever. Some days are easier than others, but I strive every day to work on not letting my negative thoughts control me. I dealt with severe anxiety while I was pregnant with my daughter, and currently am dealing with it postpartum. I always would and still get so angry with myself wondering why I can’t just shake it. The more I fought to ignore it, the more it would creep in. Even though anxiety is a current part of my life, doesn’t mean it has to control my life, and it doesn’t have to control yours either.

I began focusing on the positive. So simple but has made such an impact. I’m very blessed to have two healthy children, a supportive spouse, great friends, the list goes on. Living in the moment and not with my anxious thoughts has helped me tremendously. I also realized how something such as simple as rephrasing a sentence along with positive self-talk can make a huge difference in the day-to-day busyness of mom life. Working out (love my Peloton!) along with getting outside for 30 minutes a day has made me feel like myself again too. It’s normal to feel like you may be losing yourself, but it takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Knowing that you may not be ok, is the first step. Again, this is temporary mama and won’t last forever. Lastly, never be afraid to reach out.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. From someone who survived some of my darkest days during pregnancy by letting my intrusive thoughts get the best of me, you are stronger than you think you are. Just remember, you may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Keep moving forward and know that this too, shall pass.

Embracing Chaos

I wish it was easier said than done. This has been my number one challenge I’ve currently faced in motherhood. Embracing the chaos, the good, the bad and the ugly. Coming from a sales background, I’ve always aimed for perfection. Well, as a mother we all know that’s not reality. The day-to-day grind as a mom is often overlooked. From being bogged down with a million tasks, trying to be super mom along with creating a happy home, it’s no walk in the park. Managing the chaos is something I’ve always wanted to somewhat master as a new mom of two. But how?

EMBRACE THE CHAOS. The minute I accepted my day may not go as planned was the day I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Life as a mom can be so unpredictable and full of uncertainty, but I’ve learned to accept it and not fight the challenges that may arise. I was the one who was standing in my own way and expecting too much. Kids crying, dog barking, puzzle pieces everywhere, trying to get the laundry done, on the brink of crying, it’s ok to feel like everything is out of control. You’re human and one person! Often stress, tension and anxiety can occur when you fight hard to change something you can’t. I found that rolling with the chaos and my response to the situation was key.

Let me paint a picture for you. Now that I’m a new mom of two, trying to balance it all has been challenging in more ways than one. I’ve always been a pretty disciplined person and thrive off of routine. I always like to follow a certain routine and schedule with my kids because let’s be honest kids thrive off of routine too. Most days I follow somewhat of a schedule, but if my kids sleep schedules, lunches, play groups, etc. get thrown off I get anxious and start getting in my head. Sounds so silly, but it would affect me in more ways than one. Did she not sleep through the night because I let her sleep 30 minutes longer? Did my son throw a tantrum because we weren’t outside long enough? The mom guilt is real. I’m here to tell you, it’s normal but accepting the day as it presents itself has helped me tremendously. I’ve accepted that if my daughter has a bad night or my son throws a tantrum at the park, to just roll with it and remember that it doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job or that you’re a bad mom. It’s life and it’s better to roll with it than fight it. This goes along with not comparing your routines, schedules, you name it, to others and doing what works for you and your family. Just remember, comparison is the thief of joy. Repeat that several times. There is only one of you and as moms we know our children best. Accept the chaos, daily motherhood mess, and know that you’re doing a great job with whatever your day may present.

I will leave you with this. There is no right path. Just the one you’re on. The minute I started to embrace the chaos of mommy hood is when I began to start becoming more fulfilled. I’m so excited for this new chapter and thanks for hanging with me on this crazy journey of motherhood!